


leadin' me back like a horse to water, knowin' i'd refuse

by booleanWildcard



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anal, Body Worship, Fingering, Impatience, Kinktober 2020, M/M, Messy, Overstimulation, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Slow Sex, Top Umino Iruka, Trans Male Character, Trans Umino Iruka, Trust Kink, sensory play, the feelings are also the porn, transmasculine umino iruka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:01:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26811811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booleanWildcard/pseuds/booleanWildcard
Summary: Kakashi is finding it difficult to be still.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 3
Kudos: 55





	leadin' me back like a horse to water, knowin' i'd refuse

**Author's Note:**

> There'll be a proper author's note here in the morning probably/hopefully, along the lines of my usual author's notes. just, you know, not at 4 in the morning.
> 
> This is basically just porn. I wanted to get in on kinktober, but right now i'm pretty drawn into some other projects and work and doing relatively little writing, so i wrote this thing out really fast. I dont remember the list i used, and i probably never knew where it came from (I'm on discord only), but it was yesterday's prompt, "Body worship"
> 
> AND TO MY CREDIT i did start writing it yesterday.
> 
> WARNINGS For this story-- slow sex. i do use some gendered language to refer to Iruka's genitals, including a word that some people find offensive. refer to the bottom note if you'd like to be forewarned so as to make a better decision. The bottom note also has some more explicit warnings about the sex acts involved.
> 
> Also the setup is cliche and i offer no apologies whatsoever because i like me some cliches~

Kakashi is finding it difficult to be still.

There are no ropes or cuffs to serve as reminders, whenever he shifts his weight and tries to reposition the discomfort of being so vulnerable and on display– he must be still of his own volition, eyes closed and shoulders braced against the surface of the bed, bearing the weight of Iruka's gaze thick across his naked back and thighs. The prospective awareness of Iruka's hands– the anticipatory absence of their touch anywhere on his body, and the knowledge that said touch could come at any time– is a pressure almost like a physical thing, and beneath it he shivers and struggles to keep himself steady.

He is failing to keep himself steady.

He doesn't know where Iruka is.

The other man is concealing his presence from Kakashi, moving silently across his own space, chakra so carefully serene that it's hard to pick out from that which suffuses the room as an artifact of its occupation. Iruka's bedroom isn't huge, comfortable despite its spare furnishings– nothing here should grant a chuunin advantage over _the_ legendary copy-nin– and yet Kakashi's desperate attempts to cast around for his lover are returning nothing but the occasional quiet scuff of bare foot against carpet. The part of Kakashi that speaks in _Jounin_ calls on familiarity to tell him that Iruka's probably across the room, retrieving toys and lube from the chest of drawers there–but that part of him can't confirm the assumption with his _senses_ , so he feels unbalanced, unsteady but warily excited.

He is Kakashi, the Legendary Copy-nin– even in his current state, he should be able to tell where Iruka is; how has Iruka managed–?

It's the damn candle, he realizes. Kakashi'd come here jagged and battle-drunk, slipping in through the open window fresh from the hospital and a mission gone very _very_ wrong. Iruka'd sent him to the shower, and had lit a candle on his bedside table while Kakashi rinsed the gore and memories from his body; Kakashi hadn't bothered to notice, dismissing the candle quickly as innocuous when he'd slid back into Iruka's bed. He certainly hadn't understood the implication of the candle's bamboo wick, that it would produce a gentle crackle-pop as the wood burned, sounds _just_ persistent and irregular enough to catch the frayed edges of Kakashi's drawn attention.

And that's so fucking _brazen_.

Kakashi is ANBU; Iruka knows what that means, knows how dangerous Kakashi the Friend-Killer is under ordinary circumstances, how much worse that danger'll be when Kakashi's fragile and strung out. There are parts of Kakashi– parts trained into him since infancy– that tell him to react to the silent presence of his lover moving around the room with the kind of violence he reserves for Konoha's worst enemies, parts that had rankled against the soft commands Iruka'd whispered as offers into his ear moments before.

Keeping himself under control is difficult; the restraint is feeding into his own tension, collecting raggedly in the stiffness of his limbs and his cock; he reaches out with his senses again and again, trying to figure out where Iruka is, and each time he is pulled back to the gentle cracking of the candle, the patchouli-scandalwood scent wrapping around his body and offering him a very effective alternative to the still-remembered mission smell-taste of mud and blood and steel in his mouth.

Still, compulsively, he tries to find his lover.

He casts out again, listening for sounds of Iruka moving nearby, anything more solid than the amorphous sensation of the other man's eyes mapping his naked skin; his body is cold and too-warm by turns, damp both from the shower and the different kinds of arousal shifting rapidly across his impulses; the blankets beneath him are still warm from Iruka's body, their local scent of clean laundry and that salty sleep smell mixing with the candle's perfume; the window he'd come through remains open, admitting a chilly breeze that plays uncomfortably across his exposed ass and the back of his sack, unpleasant and erotic at the same time. Every time he thinks he hears Iruka breathing– thinks he feels the warmth of the the man nearby– that damn candle crackles or pops or gutters; he radiates tension at the effort it takes to keep himself still, to not flinch towards the direction of every half-perceived sound or sensation.

He is coming undone.

When Iruka finally does touch him– the gentlest press of fingertips to the back of his ribs– Kakashi _does_ flinch sharply to the side, falling to rest briefly on his hip with a uneven intake of breath. He doesn't open his eyes, but he feels Iruka hesitate a second anyway, before _carefully_ – and with the subtlest flare of chakra, to let Kakashi know the touch is coming– bringing those broad hands to rest gently on against Kakashi's side, with plenty of opportunity for Kakashi to indicate that he wants otherwise, that he does _not_ want to be touched.

Kakashi doesn't actually want otherwise, and so he makes no such indication.

Iruka keeps a steady hand on Kakashi as he gets back into bed, placing only one object retrieved from the drawer beside them; Kakashi recognizes the lube Iruka prefers by smell and experience, even with his eyes closed. Iruka ignores the tube, though, in favor of running one hand along the curve of Kakashi's spine, gently tugging Kakashi towards him with the other. "If you still want this, open back up for me. And if not, that's okay." Iruka presses a kiss to the shoulder he can reach, "We can do anything you want to. I love having you inside me, too. Either hole."

Kakashi groan-whines low in his throat; it's as many words as have passed between them during the entire time they've been doing this– he likes to imagine that, in this dissociative post-mission haze, they have a deeper understanding, a partnership of body and mind that Kakashi only allows himself to crave and to chase in these moments of exhausted weakness. They never talk about it, never acknowledge it later– are functionally strangers, everywhere but this room on these quiet and fragile nights– but the _care_ Iruka takes now, the gentleness in Iruka's touch and his speech, makes Kakashi hope briefly that he's not the only one who wishes for more, whose awareness of what he _doesn't say_ sits dense in the air between them. And so Kakashi responds: he pushes himself back up, forces down that part of him that balks at letting himself be so exposed to someone who _should_ feel like a stranger, and _basks_ instead at the vulnerability explicit in _literally putting himself in the hands_ of a person he trusts to keep him safe.

Iruka feels safe.

Kakashi spends so much time protecting Konoha; it's good to rest, to feel protected himself.

That concession would feel relaxing, except that he's still painfully hard; Kakashi resumes position across Iruka's lap, slightly closer to the mattress as he braces across his lover's legs, weeping cock trapped between his hips and Iruka's thigh. He _doesn't_ grind forward– Iruka told him to be _still_ – no matter how desperately Iruka's strong hands stroking along his body makes him want to.

Iruka's touches are soft but firm– patient, careful, _reverent_ , electric despite the languidness of their contact– as they trace the patterns of his scarred musculature. There are hands on his hips, gentle fingers curling around the sharpness of the bony edge, pressing softly into the valley of soft flesh on the other side. The hands move across his belly, palms flat and track along the planes of Kakashi's muscled belly, as if committing them to tactile memory. The hands wrap around his chest, following the ribs along to the triangular points of his scapula, currently two locuses of taut energy. Iruka's hands move onto his shoulders, thumbs rubbing circles on either side of that knoblike protrusion of bone on the spine where torso meets neck, soothing on a join of the body exquisitely vulnerable to the lethal violence that often defines their life. It's delicious and hot and overwhelming; Kakashi wants it to continue forever and it's all absolutely untenable for even one second longer.

Kakashi presses himself against everything of Iruka's broader body that he can reach, paradoxically relaxed and trembling with the exertion of keeping himself still. Only then does Iruka pause, momentarily removing his hands from Kakashi's body to coat his fingers in lube. He replaces them as they were, dragging a slick chilly line down from Kakashi's lower back to his hole; Kakashi can't stop himself from arching back into the touch– barely prevents himself from mewling pathetically as he does so– he pushes back impatiently against the finger that presses against him, rushing the tip inside.

This is not what they ordinarily do– Kakashi _is_ usually impatient, but he's also usually on top, mostly in control, maneuvering a plaint Iruka spread and open and beautiful beneath him, lathing the other man's neck and nipples and the long beautiful scars that trace the lower border of his pecs; Kakashi has less experience in the receptive role. Iruka suspects this, and is taking his time to work Kakashi open, stretching him with patient deliberation– but that's not what Kakashi _wants_ , he is restive, hungry, shuddering already from rigor of anticipation; he wants Iruka and he wants Iruka _now_. He spreads his legs wider, lacking the leverage to properly bear down on the finger breaching him and so offering access instead, burying his head into Iruka's blankets with a needy little sound.

Iruka grants him mercy, adds a second finger, and this one's more of a challenge. Iruka's fingers are thicker than his own, and Kakashi's had relatively few things inside him of any variety: two fingers is pushing his shallow limits. It's the beginning of a _good_ stretch, the kind that stings slightly as Iruka pushes the digits in past the first joint; Kakashi tightens instinctively, rolls his hips forward and back as his breathing speeds into short gasps. He is caught between the pleasurable sensation of delicious friction happening between Iruka's thigh and his cock, and the slight too-much-too-soon burn of Iruka's fingers inside his ass; both are differently overwhelming, and he spirals wildly between them, seeking purchase that he's unable to find.

Iruka stops, holds steady, his free hand rubbing at Kakashi's lower back as he makes soothing noises. "Shh. Relax. Breathe a little slower, deep breaths. _Relax._ " Kakashi's been carried far enough away on swirling eddies of overstimulation that Iruka's voice sounds distant, but it's Important to Obey Iruka Right Now, and so he _tries_ ; he forces his lungs to pull air into themselves more slowly, tries to force the painfully tight muscles of his lower torso to relax. It comes gradually, a gentle easing of tension that in no way removes any of the heat that's currently vibrating up his spine and out into heavy limbs, but his body _does_ respond, _does_ relax into his lover's arms.

Iruka doesn't move again until Kakashi manages to ease the rings of the muscle tightly squeezing his fingers; Kakashi's still gasping, but now the gasps are trailing on the edge of deeper breaths, and he wants to writhe only from pleasure. When he's ready, Iruka begins to fuck him with two fingers, slow at first, pushing kakashi further open with each thrust until Kakashi can take him up to the knuckle; then he moves faster, eyes sharp on his lover as he meters his speed according to the enthusiasm of Kakashi's frantic reactions. The heat that's been buzzing between Iruka's fingers and Kakashi's spine begins to pool low in his belly, collecting in his jaw and his fingers and growing curiously liquid; it feels _almost_ like numbness, if numbness could burn; Kakashi spreads his legs as wide as they will go and rocks back to meet the pace of Iruka's fingers, trying to grant yet more access, to open himself and take everything that Iruka can give him into himself, as deeply as he possibly can.

And then Iruka hits a specific spot inside him and Kakashi almost yelps, pressing his face into the sheets and clenching tight with both hands and asshole, unprepared for a jolt of pleasure that agitates the arousal collecting throughout his body. Iruka notices, and adjusts the angle of his fingers to press against that spot more thoroughly, and there's the edge, that's everything that Kakashi can take. His tired body collapses forward with a desperate keening noise; he wraps himself around Iruka, pulling himself more properly into Iruka's lap and smearing cum heedlessly across Iruka's front as he does so. It's gross and messy and excellent; Iruka laughs softly, pulls his fingers from Kakashi's ass and opens his legs so that Kakashi's resting between them, Kakashi's twitching cock drooling against his own smaller erection– Iruka has always enjoyed the feeling of cum on his cunt– he holds Kakashi close against his chest while the longer man's breathing evens out and he comes back into himself.

It takes Kakashi awhile for Kakashi to come back into himself.

He is sticky and slightly cold, sprawled out across an Iruka who looks both supremely pleased with himself and nearly as relaxed as Kakashi feels. Iruka's dozing, but notices Kakashi stirring and cracks open an eye, offering his dazed lover an intimate little smile, like he's honestly delighted to have Kakashi here in his arms. It's a calm and relaxed expression, but the emotion that fills Kakashi in response is a flare of hot pressure, an echo of the ravenous pleasure that drove him over the edge only moments ago. Kakashi makes a little noise and presses their lips together in a voracious kiss, one that Iruka returns more languorously, taking the tenor of their interaction from desperation to comfortable heat without even consciously intending to.

When they break the kiss, Kakashi rests his jaw on Iruka's shoulders, lets his thumbs rub small circles against Iruka's sides. His limbs feel like lead and he wants to go to sleep, but they need a shower and Iruka hasn't gotten off, which makes him feel strange and selfish and a little guilty for getting so drawn into their encounter. He hesitates for a second, and then collectios himself: "Do you– I want this to be good for you, too. Give you what you want. Do you want me to–" he starts to ask, struggling for coherence, while he starts to trail a hand down Iruka's belly– but Iruka shakes his head against Kakashi's cheek, wrapping an arm around Kakashi's hips.

"No, I'm fine." Iruka answers honestly, voice thick with satiation. "What I _want_ is to take care of you." He wraps his hand around the one that Kakashi's slipping down his belly, brings it to his mouth to kiss Kakashi's long fingers. "Thank you for letting me."

This answer doesn't entirely make sense to Kakashi– he doesn't think of himself as someone who is taken care of, much less someone who even admits to himself when he needs things– but he's not going to question a gift that lets him lay a little longer in Iruka's embrace; Kakashi decides to accept it and relaxes back down, closing his eyes.

In a little while, the discomfort of cooling cum and sweat will drive them into the shower; normally, that's when Kakashi would leave and things would return to their tenuous unspoken normal– but maybe that's not how things will go tonight. If Iruka will let him, then maybe tonight he might linger, and see if Iruka will still give him that delighted little smile in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> SPECIFIC WARNINGS:  
> I refer to Iruka's genitals with the word "cunt" once.  
> Iruka does not actually have an orgasm in this scene; he doesn't want one.  
> This scene features anal fingering and sensory deprivation.  
> It mentions cum getting on lots of things, and it briefly mentions Iruka enjoying cum on his genitals.  
> Kakashi is mentioned as having relatively little experience with the involved sex acts.
> 
> Remember kids- take your time with anal, and always alway always use lube. Also, yes, in case you're wondering, something this relatively simple CAN feel this intense. C: Set, setting, partner, and patience~
> 
> Thank you for reading
> 
> I am not on tumblr or twitter; my only social is [pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.social/00101010), which has some other ways to contact me if you feel so inclined
> 
> \- booleanWildcard / 00101010 / * / asterisk / 42 / wildcardOperator 


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